The Goatfather
by ShoujoOnmyouji
Summary: What happens when Gowther adopts a hundred goats and tries to fit them all inside the Boar Hat? Read to find out! Rated K plus for now, may bump it up to T later depending on what happens.
1. Chapter 1: Goats Out the Wazoo

A/N: So I haven't written fanfiction in, what, 13 years? I apologize if this is stupid, but my friends liked it and talked me into making an account and posting it. So here's Chapter 1. If people actually like it, I guess I'll make a Chapter 2. I admit, it would be nice to get into writing for fun again. Enjoy, I guess.

* * *

One morning, Meliodas awoke to a great keening noise.

He leapt out of bed and rushed down the stairs, taking them two steps at a time. Nothing could prepare him for what he would find at the bottom.

He stared in disbelief. Around 100 goats milled around the ground floor of the Boar Hat, their shrill bleats floating about the room. At the middle of all this pandemonium was Gowther, sitting cross-legged atop a table. He looked up and waved at Meliodas. "Good morning, Captain," he said in his usual monotone.

"Gowther—" Meliodas began to respond, but was interrupted when several stumbling goats pushed past him up the stairs, reeking of bourbon. He glanced behind the counter, where several bottles of his best booze had broken and were now spilling out onto the floor, then slowly looked back towards Gowther. "What the heck is going on here?"

"They are my brethren," Gowther replied in a near-whisper, reaching out with one arm and drawing a nearby goat into a tight hug, "And I am their benevolent ruler."

The goat bleated in protest and squirmed out of Gowther's grasp, then disappeared into the roiling sea of goats.

"Look, Gowther," said Meliodas, "I'm all for you making new friends, but you can't just keep all these goats in my bar."

Gowther tilted his head to one side. "Why not?"

"Well for one thing, there's not enough room to—" Meliodas started, but was interrupted once more by the sound of goats bleating upstairs, followed by a crash and another shrill wail.

"Pugooooooooh!" squealed Hawk, racing down the stairs with tears flying out of his eyes. He ran straight into Meliodas at the bottom, causing the good Captain to fall face first onto several frightened goats.

"Captain, how could you!?" the little pig cried, his eyes squeezed shut, "You're replacing me? After all we've been through!?"

"What are you talking about, Hawk, I'm not replacing you," replied Meliodas, picking himself up off the ground while the goats he'd fallen on looked on with horror.

"Liar!" screeched Hawk, "I saw those goats coming upstairs! You're replacing me! Now where will I get leftovers with three goats eating them all first!?"

" Hawk, you may want to open your eyes," said Meliodas.

Hawk opened his eyes and just stared at the multitude of goats, gibbering in disbelief. Most was unintelligible, but Meliodas could clearly make out the words "goats" and "leftovers."

Meliodas shrugged. "You're gonna have to take it up with Gowther," he said, rolling his eyes, "He's the one who brought all these goats in here."

"The goats stay," said Gowther, making a big show of crossing his arms.

Hawk squealed in distress and ran back up the stairs. "Elizabeeeeeth!" he cried, "They're trying to replace meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

With the little pig gone, Meliodas turned once more to Gowther. "Seriously, though, Gowther," he said, "These goats have to go."

"But they are my brethren," Gowther protested.

"Gowther—" Meliodas said.

"You are tearing this family apart," Gowther interrupted, raising his voice a little and striking a dramatic pose before faking a swoon and falling off of the table.

Meliodas stood there in stunned silence for a few seconds. "We'll…talk about this later," he finally spoke, and began pushing his way through the goats towards the door, "I'm going into town to restock the bar."

With that, he left the Boar Hat, leaving only Gowther and his new family in the bar. But it would not stay that way for long…

* * *

A/N: So there you have it. Chapter 1. Hopefully it wasn't too painful, I'm not sure how good my writing is after all this time. If you have any advice, or if you just like the story, go ahead and comment. Constructive criticism is welcomed.


	2. Chapter 2: The Princess and the Pig

Gowther sat up, surrounded by curious goats, and looked around. One of the goats nipped at his hair absentmindedly. "The Captain has left," he said, pushing himself to his feet and climbing back up on the table.

"Brothers," he said calmly, looking out at the goats and gesturing to them with his arms, "We have won the battle, but not the war."

He reached out and pulled one goat in close, staring into its eyes. "Do not worry," he said, "I will not abandon you."

He then dramatically let go of the goat, flinging his arms out wide. The goat, looking somewhat anxious, backed away before rejoining the rest of the herd.

Elizabeth walked down the stairs, a sniffling Hawk hiding behind her. She looked out at the goats, and then at Gowther. "Um. Good morning, Sir Gowther," she said, giving a little wave.

Gowther looked up and waved both his hands in return. "Good morning, Elizabeth."

The princess clasped her hands together. "Sir Hawk told me he was being replaced," she said, a concerned frown on her face, "Is this true?"

"He is just jealous of my new family," Gowther replied, "I don't think I've introduced you, yet."

He looked out at all the goats. "My brethren," he said, addressing the goats, "I would like you all to meet Princess Elizabeth."

If the goats understood him, they showed no sign of it. One goat, however, got curious and ambled up to the girl, letting out a long, drawn out bleat. Elizabeth smiled and bent down, patting the goat on the head. "Why hello there, Sir Goat," she said, "It's nice to meet you, too."

The goat bleated again happily and nuzzled Elizabeth's hand.

"Not you too, Elizabeth!" Hawk cried.

Elizabeth turned back to face the pig. "Don't worry, Sir Hawk," she said with a reassuring smile, "I don't think Sir Gowther is trying to replace you."

Hawk sniffled. "Buh—but my leftovers…"

"I'm sure there will be enough leftovers to go around," Elizabeth replied.

"Pugohhh! With this many goats!?" Hawk said, "I'd be lucky to get a single scrap!"

"Do not worry, pig," said Gowther with a tilt of the head, "My family does not eat scraps. I will feed them only the finest grazing materials."

"Oh," said Hawk, "I…I guess that's okay then."

"Everyone gets along now," Gowther said, waving his hands back and forth very fast, "Hooray."

"Isn't that wonderful, Sir Hawk?" said Elizabeth, "You're not being replaced after all!"

"Yeah!" Hawk said, making a happy snort, "And I don't even have to share my leftovers!"

"Still," Elizabeth said, looking back towards Gowther, "I am a little surprised Sir Meliodas is letting you keep all these goats in his bar."

"He's not," Gowther replied.

"Oh," said Elizabeth, her eyes widening a bit, "That's. Um. That could be a problem, don't you think?"

Gowther adjusted his glasses. "He will understand. I will make him understand."

"That doesn't sound good," muttered Hawk.

"Oh, Sir Gowther, I hope you won't do anything drastic," Elizabeth said quietly, "You and Sir Meliodas are friends, aren't you?"

"You should get ready for work," Gowther replied, not bothering to answer the question.

Elizabeth looked down and blushed bright red when she realized she was still wearing a long pink nightgown. "Oh!" she exclaimed, "You're right! I certainly can't greet customers in this, can I?"

With that, she rushed upstairs to get into her uniform.

Hawk snorted and looked up towards Gowther. "I'm watching you, Glasses Man," he said, giving Gowther a suspicious look before trotting back up the stairs.


End file.
